Passionate About the San Francisco-area
and the Moms Who Live Here

Dear First-Time Mom,

Caucasian mother playing with baby on changing table

Relax. Breathe. You are doing great!

As a new mom of two, I want to share a secret with you: The second baby is so much easier.  Do you know why?

Because I am so much more relaxed.

When you bring your first baby home, you are terrified, and rightfully so! You have someone who is depending on YOU for their every need.  All selfishness is out the door.  You have to give your complete self to that little baby.  And you do it with a heart full of love.  It’s amazing!  

But, along with this new responsibility comes fear and guilt.  I was constantly afraid I was doing something wrong and that my child would suffer because of my inexperience.   I Googled everything- I mean everything.  (P.S. Don’t do that; you will just scare yourself even more.)

I felt like every little decision I was making was the biggest decision of my life.  Should I feed now?  Should I rock him?  Should I give him a pacifier?  What should I do???

Plus every situation was dramatic.  A poopie diaper in a public place- agghh!  “I can’t do this!”  Well guess what, you can! I mention this situation specifically because my first poop explosion in public with my first son resulted in tears and leaving my husband and mother-in-law at a restaurant while I went home. At the time, it was all I could do.  

I’m not suggesting this fear is unjustified.  No, it is very real.  I am just saying, step back.  Relax and breathe.  You’ve got this! Don’t let this fear keep you from living your life.

Then, there is the guilt.  

“I should have done that better.”  

“I should have packed more formula or more snacks or more diapers.”  

“I shouldn’t go back to work.”

“I shouldn’t stay home.”

“I should spend more time with my husband.”

“I shouldn’t go out with my friends and leave my baby.”

“I shouldn’t use formula.”

The guilt gets better the second time around, but unfortunately, it doesn’t go away entirely.  But still, I have a better handle on it this time.  I just left my 10-day-old baby with my nanny, so I could go to a mommy-and-me class with my toddler.  I would have never, ever, ever left my first son that early!  I was surprisingly fine with leaving my newborn because I knew it was important to spend special time with my older child.  You do what you need to do and move on.  I didn’t stress over this situation as I might have once before.  And I actually gave myself permission to have fun with my toddler that day!

Just remember, if you are doing your very best and even worrying about any of this, then you are already a pretty awesome mom!  

So, relax and breathe! And enjoy!

Sincerely,

Second-Time Mom

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One Response to Dear First-Time Mom,

  1. Mercedes
    Mercedes May 13, 2016 at 9:11 am #

    Love this, Kelly! What a great reminder. I would have definitely benefitted from this post the first time around!